Alcohol addiction is a chronic and relapsing condition that causes the uncontrollable and compulsive need to drink.[1] Millions of people suffer from it, but not just their lives are affected. Those who live alongside people with the disorder are impacted by it, too, with one of the most common issues being codependency. Codependency in alcohol addiction can be dangerous for everyone involved.
If you have a close relationship with someone who’s struggling with a substance use disorder, you may think that worrying about codependency is an added stress you don’t need. In fact, your mental well-being, as well as your physical health, might be on the line if you don’t pay attention to the problems codependency creates.
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Understanding Codependency in Alcohol Addiction: What It Is and How to Spot It
Codependency refers to a dysfunctional relationship in which one person’s self-esteem and emotional needs are wholly dependent on the other person. The codependent person may also enable the other party’s toxic behaviors, which include addiction.
There’s a balance of care in a healthy relationship of any type. However, codependent relationships have one partner who lavishes care and attention on the other without considering their own needs. They will sacrifice self-care and place the other person center-stage.
Symptoms that can warn you of a codependent relationship include:[2]
- Having weak or no boundaries
- Allowing your partner’s mood to impact your day
- Seeking external validation from your partner
- Feeling responsible for your partner
- Feeling the relationship is all you have
- Continually putting your needs aside for your partner
- Constantly worrying about your partner’s issues
- Having an obsessive need to know what your partner is thinking and doing
- Being in denial about the behaviors of both parties
- Avoiding conflict
Although some level of dependency is appropriate in close relationships, codependent ones create an imbalanced power dynamic and feature the inability of one person to express their wants or needs for fear of how the other person will react.
How Codependent Relationships Are Harmful to Both Partners in Alcohol Addiction Recovery
It’s easy to see how codependent relationships affect the person without the substance use disorder. They may feel the need to give money to their partner to fuel their addiction, and the emotional strain could lead them to develop a substance use disorder, too, to ease some of the distress.
The codependent partner can also begin to break away from other loved ones to better care for their partner, and they may struggle to keep up with responsibilities outside of the codependent relationship. Because they ignore their own needs for so long, codependent partners can face burnout, mental health concerns, and poor overall health.
A partner with a substance use disorder can also suffer in a codependent relationship. The relationship enables the person to continue their destructive behavior. Subconsciously, the codependent partner may be afraid that their loved one won’t need them once the active addiction is resolved.
There’s also the danger of the same dynamic returning once the partner with the substance use disorder gets help. That can make it easier for them to relapse.
How to Break the Cycle of Codependency in Alcohol Addiction
Breaking the cycle of codependency requires work from both parties. Here are some of the most important steps to take to begin healing.
Set Boundaries and Enforce Them
One of the most crucial things you can do for yourself and your partner is to set boundaries. This requires understanding your values and clearly stating them so the other party can understand. You must also consider the consequences if the other person doesn’t respect them.
Those steps are difficult after being in a codependent relationship, but enforcing your boundaries is even more complicated. Your partner may plow right through the boundaries you set, and the old dynamic might kick in. You may be afraid of upsetting the other person or think that what they think or feel is more important than your needs.
It’s essential that you enforce the consequences and that you’re consistent with your behavior. Don’t allow a breach of the boundary at any time, even if you’re in a good mood and don’t want to start an argument.
Foster Independence
Even if the other person is very important to you, you need to be able to see yourself as independent. Your moods should be yours and not a reaction to someone else’s. Take time to be on your own and do things you enjoy without worrying about what your partner is doing or thinking. You should encourage them to do the same thing so that you can both start relearning how to see yourselves as individuals.
Focus on Self-Care
After being in a codependent relationship, taking care of yourself and listening to your needs can be tough at first. You may have forgotten what you enjoy doing and what helps you unwind. Get back to hobbies you may have abandoned, or do things that help you feel physically and mentally better.
One of the steps you take in your self-care journey should be to attend therapy. You’ve been so focused on the other person that you may have put aside your mental health. During treatment, you can explore the challenges you’re facing and get help in addressing any lingering behaviors that could pull you back into an unhealthy relationship.
Contact Desert Cove Recovery for Addiction Recovery Services
If you or a loved one has an alcohol addiction disorder and are facing a codependent relationship, recovery programs can make a difference. At Desert Cove Recovery, we offer services that can help you and your partner address codependency and addiction. Working through both issues at the same time is the best way to ensure the relationship begins healing.
Contact our team to learn more about our outpatient programs for alcohol use disorders.
Sources:
[1] https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/cycle-alcohol-addiction [2] https://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-signs-of-codependency#signs-of-codependency
