Having any relationship with someone who’s battling an alcohol addiction can be complex. One of the biggest worries is the risk of falling into unhealthy codependent patterns when trying to support loved ones.
Is it possible to support loved ones battling addiction and still maintain boundaries? Learn more about setting those lines in the sand and the strategies to help you achieve that.
Recognizing Codependency: What It Is and Why It’s Dangerous
Codependency refers to a relationship in which one partner has significant emotional or physical needs, and the other partner spends most of their time addressing and responding to those needs while ignoring their own.[1] It’s a common issue for people living with loved ones who have chronic illnesses, including substance use disorders.
In a codependent relationship in which alcohol addiction is present, the party without the addiction can enable addictive behaviors, making it easier for those behaviors to persist. Codependency can be very dangerous for both parties since it prevents the ill person from getting the help they need.
For the other codependent partner, it can result in their own needs being neglected. That can lead to poor self-esteem, depression, poor physical health, and even the risk of developing an addiction themselves.
The Importance of Setting Boundaries
Perhaps one of the most crucial things you can do to avoid falling into the cycle of a codependent relationship is to start setting boundaries. These boundaries can help restore a healthier relationship by safeguarding your interactions while ensuring you can express yourself and what’s important to you.
Some of the most essential benefits setting boundaries offers include:
- Improving mental health
- Boosting self-esteem
- Improving communication
- Learning to say “no”
- Building a happier and healthier relationship
By setting boundaries, you can protect yourself from the manipulative tendencies that those who have an addiction can experience while at the same time being able to hold them accountable for their behavior.
How to Establish Boundaries as You Support Loved Ones
Despite how crucial setting boundaries is if you’re trying to support loved ones with substance use disorders, it’s not a simple thing to do. Here are some critical steps to take to achieve your goal.
Define Your Personal Rights
Before doing anything else, you must define your values and personal beliefs. How do you wish others to treat you? What behaviors or actions inspire you, and which make you angry?
As you do this, consider your feelings and be true to them. Don’t focus on what you “should“ be feeling since that can be unhealthy and prevent you from expressing yourself.
State Your Limits
Clearly define the behaviors you’re no longer willing to tolerate from your loved one and yourself. An example would be to tell your spouse they need to speak to you respectfully and not raise their voice when addressing you. In that example, it can be helpful to outline what respect looks like to you as well.
Some crucial boundaries you can set include not allowing alcohol in the house, no longer providing any funds for the purchase of alcohol, and no longer accepting lies about addictive behavior. You can encourage your loved one to also set boundaries, which can help you address any of your codependent behavior.
Set Clear Consequences
Your loved one also needs to know the consequences of ignoring boundaries. You must be assertive and speak out when a boundary is violated. It’s best not to be accusatory but to express precisely what you’re feeling.
Allow your loved one the chance to apologize and ensure they understand what it was that bothered you. If you don’t stand up for yourself, they will step over your boundaries again.
Be consistent with how you react to your loved one when they ignore your boundaries. Even if you’re having a good day together, that doesn’t mean they can surpass your limits. Speak up every time and reestablish your boundaries.
Prioritize Self-Care as You Support Loved Ones
It’s common for people who have loved ones struggling with addiction to place their self-care on the back burner. When setting boundaries, that can no longer be the case. It would be best if you focused on your well-being. If you have hobbies you’ve neglected because of your loved one’s substance use disorder, take them up again.
Self-care can also mean reaching out to therapists and support groups for guidance. You can take one day a week to escape your routine and do something entirely for yourself. Not only will this allow you to relax, but it can also help your loved one build independence.
Support Loved Ones: Getting Involved in the Recovery Process
Alcohol addiction can affect your entire family. One of the best ways of addressing codependency and learning to set healthy boundaries is to participate in alcohol recovery programs alongside your loved one. There are family therapy sessions that offer the guidance you need and flexible schedules that can accommodate your life.
At Desert Cove Recovery, our outpatient programs provide a variety of benefits for those struggling with addiction, as well as their families. Contact our Arizona center to learn more about the various options we offer.
Source:
[1] https://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-signs-of-codependency#signs-of-codependency
